


Steady As We Go

by rowanthestrange_yugihell



Series: Doctor Clara-Verse [4]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen, Sonic Screwdriver, lighter and softer, makes a return
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-06 00:09:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5395340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rowanthestrange_yugihell/pseuds/rowanthestrange_yugihell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TARDISes don't come fully furnished, who knew?</p>
<p>In which the Time Lords have funny ideas about what comprises a kitchen, shower and bed, her TARDIS tries its best, and Me drinks several cups of tea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Steady As We Go

**Author's Note:**

> Food Machine and beds are canon from Season One (1963), Time Lord showers are not...I think. References a certain song by our favourite antler-wearing Granddad, Bernard Cribbins.

 

Her TARDIS is bigger on the inside, yes. It’s also emptier.

She’s confused how, when they want to, they can recreate a fully-functioning diner with lemonade, straws and an ice cream machine, but otherwise there’s nothing here. Nothing she really recognises anyway. 

There’s a machine that produces food… bars? Something small and apparently edible. It relies on you punching codes into it, and that changes the flavour. Unfortunately she can’t find the code book for it, and has the uncomfortable feeling they might have been in the manual she threw out. She manages to make what she thinks is eggs and bacon once. It’s like a mixture of Roahl Dahl’s Three-Course Meal Chewing Gum, and Rowling’s Bertie Botts’ Every Flavour Beans. It almost makes her glad she doesn’t have to eat. When Me can’t sleep they sometimes sit together with a notebook and bucket, biting them in half, guessing at their flavour and spitting them out, almost like a sleepover game. Gross but companionable. And they have to find something that picky Me likes to eat, at least until they can materialise a permanent kitchen.

There are cleaning facilities, but the things that look like showers actually use a powdery substance instead of water, and while she’d have to agree that she’s never felt more squeaky clean, several nights (and days, and then nights again) are spent crawling through the underbelly of her ship trying to sort out some hot water. Nothing teaches skills faster than being in a machine no-one else can help you sort out. Well, maybe Me could, but it's a pride issue, and it's _her_ ship, so _she'll_ do it. 

_“…And when they ask me what I’m a Doctor of, I’ll be able to tell them I’m a Doctor of plumbing, because this is my life now; time, space and no bloody hot water, and I am turning these sodding shades back into a screwdriver because I CAN’T SEE A BLOODY THING!”_

_“Are… Are you in my sink?”_

_"It's okay, I'm fixing it!"_

There’s no library, no wardrobe, no kitchen, no gym or even proper bedrooms. Just weird wonky looking chairs like the kind you see beside pools, and some stasis pods. Again, not a problem for her, and Me could sleep standing up, but it’s the principle of the thing.

She spends hours trying to describe to the ship what she wants, and they try, she can see that, but it seems beyond them. Anything in them, they can duplicate, even the sonic shades (thank goodness, because it took a couple of goes to cannibalise them into a ‘screwdriver’ again), but creating things wholesale, no. She figures out that the diner was probably because there was something relatively nearby to copy - the Chameleon Circuit seems to be an entirely separate thing. Maybe the other TARDIS was just full because he had spent thousands of years landing in interesting places and nicking stuff. This sparks a plan. 

She lands in her apartment building, not too long after she…left. The Chameleon Circuit kicks in and the TARDIS becomes the flat next to hers, calling themselves number 000. Still says ‘Snacks and Gas’ too, but she’s nearly fixed it. She sonics the door open and Me helps her move everything they can carry into the TARDIS, who starts blooping and oohing at each armful of stuff.

“Why is it making that noise?”

“They’re thinking, aren’t you sweetie. All these new things - look, a coffee maker.”

She lifts it up and pats the console fondly. Me thinks she’s mad, but goes along with it. Which sums up her personality in general if she’s honest. She thinks that knowing her TARDIS is alive is really helping, especially since she only has the vaguest idea of what she’s doing.

They can’t get the settee out for love nor money, until the TARDIS apparently has the idea to take the wall down between the fake apartment and hers. Some hours (and an equal number of cups of tea for Me) later, they’ve gutted her whole apartment, anything she’s forced to leave (she’s not unhooking the dishwasher) she makes sure the TARDIS can make an approximate copy of before they go.

She makes Me another cup of tea as they float in space in their console room filled with rubbish. She wonders if she should tell Rigsy she’s alive, make it seem less like some heartless thief came in and took all her stuff. Which, now she thinks about it, is sort of accurate. Well, that’s tomorrow’s problem.

Instead she starts to program in some bedrooms, kitchens and living rooms and asks Me if she can do a search on that diary-library on her necklace and find out if she’s ever had roomfuls of stuff ever suddenly go missing.

 


End file.
